(This is an article I wrote for our adoption agency's newsletter in October.)
Sometimes I think about painting our future nursery and wonder if I’ll jinx the whole process.
Pale blue? Soft yellow? I know. It’s weird. But I have thoughts like that all the time. Last spring though, we did buy a beautiful nursery bedding set. I love it! It’s gender-neutral with cartoon safari animals in soft pastel colors. For now, it is sitting in the closet of what we hope will be our baby’s room.
Waiting is an interesting thing. It’s a tightrope walk between hope and disappointment. A part of me overflows with excitement thinking about getting ready for baby, and the other part doesn’t want to look foolish for registering at Babies-R-Us when there is no baby in sight. Most days I want the world to know that we are trusting God to bring this little miracle into our life, and on the other days I wish I hadn’t said anything because I can’t answer the questions one more time -- “How is the adoption going? Have you heard anything? How long have you been waiting? How long does it usually take?”
Every time my cell phone rings and I dig in my purse to get it, I pray it’s J. (our adoption counselor) calling to say a birth mother wants to meet us. So far, no call like that. Then I wonder why birth parents haven’t chosen us yet. Should we update our portfolio? Add new photos? Lose weight? Are we too old? Too spiritual? Not spiritual enough?
Our five year wedding anniversary is next April, and we’d love to go on a vacation. Maybe Hawaii. But is it a good idea to spend that kind of money when we’re saving for our adoption? But maybe a vacation is the best thing. We can be waiting adoptive parents and still live our lives. It’s not a good idea to live a life “on hold,” is it? It’s all enough to drive me crazy!
But in the end, I do know that I will be a mother someday. I have no idea yet of the details, but I do have hope. It is what I cling to. I know that having a relationship with our child’s birth family will be a gift to our child, to us and to them. I know that my husband will be the most amazing father. I know God has control of the situation, and I will be amazed when I see it unfolding at the right time. At His right time.
In the meantime, I wait. And today maybe I’ll decide on a nursery paint color AND plan our trip to Hawaii…
Pale blue? Soft yellow? I know. It’s weird. But I have thoughts like that all the time. Last spring though, we did buy a beautiful nursery bedding set. I love it! It’s gender-neutral with cartoon safari animals in soft pastel colors. For now, it is sitting in the closet of what we hope will be our baby’s room.
Waiting is an interesting thing. It’s a tightrope walk between hope and disappointment. A part of me overflows with excitement thinking about getting ready for baby, and the other part doesn’t want to look foolish for registering at Babies-R-Us when there is no baby in sight. Most days I want the world to know that we are trusting God to bring this little miracle into our life, and on the other days I wish I hadn’t said anything because I can’t answer the questions one more time -- “How is the adoption going? Have you heard anything? How long have you been waiting? How long does it usually take?”
Every time my cell phone rings and I dig in my purse to get it, I pray it’s J. (our adoption counselor) calling to say a birth mother wants to meet us. So far, no call like that. Then I wonder why birth parents haven’t chosen us yet. Should we update our portfolio? Add new photos? Lose weight? Are we too old? Too spiritual? Not spiritual enough?
Our five year wedding anniversary is next April, and we’d love to go on a vacation. Maybe Hawaii. But is it a good idea to spend that kind of money when we’re saving for our adoption? But maybe a vacation is the best thing. We can be waiting adoptive parents and still live our lives. It’s not a good idea to live a life “on hold,” is it? It’s all enough to drive me crazy!
But in the end, I do know that I will be a mother someday. I have no idea yet of the details, but I do have hope. It is what I cling to. I know that having a relationship with our child’s birth family will be a gift to our child, to us and to them. I know that my husband will be the most amazing father. I know God has control of the situation, and I will be amazed when I see it unfolding at the right time. At His right time.
In the meantime, I wait. And today maybe I’ll decide on a nursery paint color AND plan our trip to Hawaii…
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